Sunday, April 13, 2014

Weigh-in, body image and Leigh's delicious Ratatouille!

Weigh-in stats first. I am 93.0 kg this morning (205.03 lb) and that is a loss of .4 kg (.88 lb) from last week. [Total loss to date 37.3kg or 82.23 lb.] I'll take it, though truthfully I had hoped for a bigger drop. Hubby reminds me that's almost a pound and that I tend to alternate smaller and bigger drops week to week now. Yeah I guess.

I would probably be happier about it if I were happy with my body shape right now. Yes, it's nice to hear compliments from friends and co-workers, and I'm delighted to have bought a couple of new outfits in size 16 now that, while slightly snug they do fit comfortably. I am shrinking so I buy the smallest size I can fit into now. I should be thrilled but truthfully I'm in a bit of a funk.

I want to put up new pictures soon, but when I take them I only see the fat remaining, not how far I've come. If I lay in bed and put my legs straight up in the air I am amazed how thin, sleek and shapely they look now. But standing up normally I only see the loose skin starting to gather on the inner thighs. Laying on my side I have an amazing curve shape, with a lovely dip from hip to waist that hubby loves to wrap his arms around ... but the fat that's left decides to gather in front and remind me that I have far to go yet and even once I'm at goal the belly region will never be pretty.

Getting such a large amount of weight off is much more important than any loose skin issues I may have, and I know that. Most of the time I feel fabulous about my accomplishments to date. But when I look at my body in the mirror or take photographs, I still don't like what I see. I'm not someone with body hatred issues, I'm secure in who I am these days and have a healthy amount of self-love, it's not about that. It just can be hard to see what others see. Hard to see how far I've come instead of how far I have to go. So sometimes ... just sometimes ... I get in a bit of a funk. So that's where I am today.

Last week's running intervals were three and five minutes, and I never thought I could do five but I did. That did give me a hell of a confidence boost, I must say. But what do I have to look forward to next week? Monday will be all five minute intervals ... three of them with three minutes walking in between. So far I have repeated each new level three times before advancing but not this time. Believe it or not Wednesday I'll be expected to run eight minutes! Then Friday ... 20! Seriously?! I mean I knew that I couldn't do three minutes, but then I did. Then I was sure I would not be able to do five minutes, but I did. And now I am equally certain I am not ready for eight, much less twenty! I'm tempted to stretch this week into three weeks by doing each level three days instead of one, but a runner friend advised me to try it rather than talk myself out of it. We'll see. It just sounds impossible right now.

Last night we made Leigh's fabulous Chicken Ratatouille and hubby and I both loved it! We had a choko (chayote squash) on hand so I substituted that for one of the zucchini, and used Lebanese eggplants in place of the regular eggplant. We really enjoyed this - in fact the only thing I would change is to cut the chicken into bite size pieces rather than leave the breasts whole. We had a couple of smaller pieces that I threw in and they seemed to absorb the flavours better so we'll try that next time. It was definitely delicious.

That's it for today, we're off to shop for a new electric wok and then groceries. Have a great weekend.

8 comments:

  1. This is one of the issues that those who lose significant amounts of weight must deal with - we get to our goal weight and still are not happy with how we look. We thought life would be perfect and we would look like Christie Brinkley. We have to accept that we won't ever be able to look like her because of the hanging skin. It can be surgically removed but skin that has been stretched past its limit will never recover its original tone. We must find the good things and not stress over what still doesn't suit us. It is what it is. The rewards are health, being able to wear nice clothes, and feeling good. We tend to be perfectionists and look for the negatives but there are so many more positives if we remember how miserable we were when we were at our highest weight and out of control. We can't let the things we are not happy with rule over the general improvement in the quality of our lives. Emotions can sabotage us big time if we allow it. Keep doing all the good things and accept the things you don't like as battle scars - battles you have won.

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  2. I guess I'm really lucky I have so little (badly) loose skin, given my age. I suppose if I'd lost slower, it would be better, but meh. I'm not that vain (anymore.) I'll take health any day! If I'm wrinkled in a few spots, well, it's for a VERY good reason.

    I'm sure you look far better than you think you do. we tend to be our own worst critics (unless you have a co-worker like I do...)

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  3. Downsizes, trust me ... I have never thought life would be perfect or I would look like Christie Brinkley! Lol. That's really not it. Being unhappy with your present condition (I'm a long way from goal yet) doesn't mean I want perfection. And as I said, most of the time I'm very happy with my progress, but I'm human and like everyone sometimes I get a bit down. I have been amazed at some people's progress when losing a lot of weight. I think most people tend to see their faults rather than their good points ... and I look at pictures of the things that bother them now and think, "I will be thrilled if I look like that at the end of this!" So who knows, I might end up looking just fine.

    We are our own worst critics, really ... except Gwen! Lol I am glad I don't have coworkers like yours, darlin'!

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  4. Trust in yourself and your body... The program was developed that way for a reason, you WILL be able to do it!!!

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  5. I`m so glad you liked the Ratatouille:) As for the body image issues...You know where I am right now. It`s a struggle every day, but I am getting better. Therapy has helped a lot and accepting things I can`t change. I could have the body I want...It will just cost me a lot and I can`t go there! You are doing awesome in your weight-loss and running. So very proud:)

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  6. Thanks Jeanette, I sure hope so! And Leigh, your kind words mean a lot to me. I do know where you're at, I'm an avid reader and you always inspire me. :)

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  7. Anna you are doing great...stay with it ...I'm sure you will.

    I think it's so helpful for readers that you share your story - your progress.

    Have a good week

    All the best Jan

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  8. Thanks Jan! I hope so - I promised to share the good and the bad, and even when you're losing steadily as I have, that doesn't mean it's always hearts and flowers. You still have bad days and body issues and whatever else ... it's part of the journey.

    And I did make it running - today anyway! We'll see how the rest of the week goes. LOL

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