Wednesday, February 6, 2013

I'm so sick of thinking about food!

This week I thought I'd try cooking again ... I've been doing my own shakes and frozen vegetarian meals for weeks and then I stalled and gained a bit prior to TOM's arrival. I wanted something that wasn't pasta for a change, so I planned to cook this week and of course returned to my favorite vegan, McDougall-friendly meals. But they haven't satisfied me and in fact I've found myself much more tempted by things I don't normally want anymore! Cookies and chocolate type things. Things I don't want to be thinking about, much less eating. Why? Seriously, I was more satisfied on the shakes and frozen meals plan, and that was eating just 1,000 to 1,200 calories most days.

I guess I'll go back to the shake/frozen meal plan. It had one definite advantage and that's not having to think about what to eat ... have shakes, grab a frozen meal, piece of fruit ... easy! I've been dieting and planning meals and thinking about what to eat for years. I feel like my whole adult life has been dieting, with intermittent periods of gorging / bingeing when I was 'off the wagon' in between plans. It's not fair ... alcoholics can at least quit cold turkey and never touch the stuff again. You can't give up food. Yes, you can try eating healthier but for someone like me that's like expecting the alcoholic to just switch to light beer. Not helping!

Sorry ... Just ranting cuz I get sick of the fight sometimes. Sick of hearing people like me should just 'put down the fork once in a while' on one hand and 'dieting doesn't work and causes weight gain' on the other. What do you do when nothing you try works and you just don't want to try anymore? If everything happens for a reason, then what's the reason for constant struggle with my weight and repeated failure at doing something about it? I can't see it. But if I give up the fight I'll find myself 300 pounds and diabetic. I'm over it, seriously. Thanks for letting me vent, I'll be back at it tomorrow.

Anna

13 comments:

  1. Hi, interesting post. Looks like a bump in the road, all things considered. Good luck on your journey.

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  2. I know how you feel! I get so frustrated every time I see a news article about obesity in America because I know the comments will be full of hateful stuff. I don't have the answer...just that I sympathize! I just found your blog looking for a vegan jambalaya recipe! :) keep up the good progress!!!

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  3. Anna, how about some low GI type meals? Food.com is full of low cal and low fat veggie recipes. Worth having a look.

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  4. Hi Scribbles - I did low GI for several years before I went vegan. I've literally tried everything! LOL

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  5. Is there any possibility of just not worrying about any of this for a while? Like just eat whatever you want and don't weigh yourself for say, 2 or 3 weeks? Give your brain and your spirit a break from it, maybe? Do some meditation and yoga or something instead.

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  6. That's what I ask myself, Carla, because I seriously worry that years of yo-yo dieting has totally screwed up my metabolism, but the other side of that coin is the fear of hitting 300 pounds, getting full-blown diabetes, or both. Longevity does not run in my family, I'd like to outlive my parents. After a break, then what ... start again?

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  7. Yep, start again. I will start a day one with you, if you like. And let that day one be the first day of a single change, like drink 10 glasses of water today. And do that for a week. Then week two, another change, like substitute fruit for snacks this week, with the water intake, etc. Sound familiar? I will do it with you. Shall we take a break? Say, 3 weeks? Please let me know if you'd like to. DO NOT weigh yourself during the break. Weigh on the morning of day one and let it really be day one.

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  8. And taking a break for 2 weeks will not lead to 300 lbs and full blown diabetes. Nor will it mean an untimely death. Let's take a few deep breaths and simplify things a bit. Let's remember that every day is actually day one, always has been and always will be. And let's start with the essentials: Water. Breath. Heartbeat. Movement. Yes?

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  9. Sure, only in a couple of weeks of eating whatever I want I can certainly regain 5-10 pounds, easily. My point was, then what? After the break I either continue to regain, or go back to dieting. Essentially right back where I am now trying to figure out what to do.

    There are times I think I'd go the surgery route if I had the money. But I know several who had the gastric band, are $16,000 out of pocket, and still not losing. They did initially lose some but they eventually find ways to still eat and regain.

    I'm just sick of fighting the battle, but of course there are people with far greater struggles than mine.

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  10. If you gain 10 lbs of actual weight, not water, in 2-3 weeks, then I think there must be a medical issue. But your losses can be equally as dramatic, so I'm wondering if it's actual weight or water or what. I can't remember if you have PCOS or something. Pardon the question, I don't mean to pry.

    My point was, and is, no matter whether you gain or lose or stay the same, the days are going to pass. Two weeks, three weeks, the rest of your life. Are you noticing and enjoying them, or ticking them off the calendar in the fight toward this goal weight you've set yourself? Are you living in fear of something that may never happen? If you are doing what you've been doing and you haven't got to 300 lbs, and you haven't become diabetic, can you consider your current life and body a success?

    I am not trying to talk you out of weight loss goals, but I would like to try to help you out of a painful mental place, if I can. We've supported each other before.

    You talk about 'going back to dieting.' When did you start talking about 'dieting'? I haven't been here for a while, something's shifted. You used to talk about making sustainable changes to your daily lifestyle. Have we stopped thinking that way?

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  11. AND, not worrying about it doesn't mean the same thing as eating whatever you want. (hug) It just means not worrying about it. Not counting it. Not logging it. Not thinking about it.

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  12. Thanks Carla, you could be on to something. Like intuitive eating maybe. I love the idea of not thinking about it, not counting, etc. I find sometimes I don't have time to get on FitDay and plan ahead, so I grab and go and log it later. Most of the time I find the stats are on track anyway. So maybe I could try to make wise choices as much as possible but don't try to count calories or macronutrients breakdown, etc. that would be nice. I would probably feel guilty that I wasn't 'doing something' about my weight, knowing me. I know that drives my efforts most of the time. I can't be this weight and not DO something about it.

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  13. The medical issues are indeed PCOS and being pre-diabetic. I also have hemochromatosis, but that's an iron overload problem. And yes, it was a lifestyle change until it stopped resulting in weight loss. Then I felt I had to start actively dieting again, meaning counting and planning and logging everything, and being frustrated when a drop the first week is followed by another stall. I am frustrated, and I'm just venting that. The frustrations are caused by many things going on in my life right now, not just my weight struggles. So I come here to vent.

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